Oh, Nancy Cartwright. Your work on The Simpsons is the stuff of legend. You helped make Bart a household name. You make Nelson the funniest cartoon bully and Ralph the funniest cartoon buffoon child. You've no doubt made enough money that, if you decided to turn it into gold coins, you could fill a giant concrete room with it and swim around like Scrooge McDuck.
Instead, you decided to donate $10 million to the Church of Scientology.
I don't even know what to say about that. It's hard for me to joke about Scientology since the "religion" itself seems like such a joke to me. Plus, I've already blogged once about the Church's biggest accomplishment, the continued deterioration of Tom Cruise's mental stability.
Still, it's interesting to note that Tom only gave $5 million over a four-year span. Nancy gave $10 million in 2007 alone. Is she trying to usurp the Church's No. 2? Will we soon see her wed to the lifeless remains of L. Ron Hubbard?
Dang, Nancy. You could be swimming in a pool of gold coins right now.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Well someone had to talk about it.
The Super Bowl. For those of you living who don't know, it's this Sunday, Feb. 3.
I love the Super Bowl. And NOT for the commercials; actually I get frustrated with people who are "oh so excited for Superbowl for the commercials." Granted, it's a huge money-maker, and the most sought-after advertising space ever, but still...it's football at it's finest. Don't say you can't WAIT for the Super Bowl when you don't know who's playing.
It's the New England Patriots against the New York Giants. So far, the Patriots are favored to win by two touchdowns. There are several people in Marshall County who don't agree with my choice of sports teams, so I'll just leave out the part about who I'm rooting for.
Tom Brady (the quarterback for New England) hurt his ankle during the AFC Championship, but never came out and told the media about it. Well supposedly he was spotted wearing a boot on his right foot a few days ago and finally told everyone he hurt it, but that he's not "concerned about affecting his play" in the big game.
But I think my favorite headline I read about the incident comes from a news station in a city a few hours from here. (I'm not naming any names...) It said, "Brady Acknowledges Injury, Says He'll Play." Are you kidding me? That's the most obvious headline I think I've ever read. If he did acknowledge his injury then I think maybe he's been sacked one too many times. And of COURSE he's going to play...or at least say he will, it's the SUPER BOWL.
And on another Super Bowl note, apparently they're upping the amount of police in Phoenix for the game. Not for the huge crowd, no, but for the prostitutes who are anticipated to appear for the high rollers to fulfill their..."hobby." All right... I'm just going to leave that one alone. But the police in Phoenix have reported that they'll be arresting not only the prostitutes, but their customers as well, so that should make for a good news story on Monday.
I love the Super Bowl. And NOT for the commercials; actually I get frustrated with people who are "oh so excited for Superbowl for the commercials." Granted, it's a huge money-maker, and the most sought-after advertising space ever, but still...it's football at it's finest. Don't say you can't WAIT for the Super Bowl when you don't know who's playing.
It's the New England Patriots against the New York Giants. So far, the Patriots are favored to win by two touchdowns. There are several people in Marshall County who don't agree with my choice of sports teams, so I'll just leave out the part about who I'm rooting for.
Tom Brady (the quarterback for New England) hurt his ankle during the AFC Championship, but never came out and told the media about it. Well supposedly he was spotted wearing a boot on his right foot a few days ago and finally told everyone he hurt it, but that he's not "concerned about affecting his play" in the big game.
But I think my favorite headline I read about the incident comes from a news station in a city a few hours from here. (I'm not naming any names...) It said, "Brady Acknowledges Injury, Says He'll Play." Are you kidding me? That's the most obvious headline I think I've ever read. If he did acknowledge his injury then I think maybe he's been sacked one too many times. And of COURSE he's going to play...or at least say he will, it's the SUPER BOWL.
And on another Super Bowl note, apparently they're upping the amount of police in Phoenix for the game. Not for the huge crowd, no, but for the prostitutes who are anticipated to appear for the high rollers to fulfill their..."hobby." All right... I'm just going to leave that one alone. But the police in Phoenix have reported that they'll be arresting not only the prostitutes, but their customers as well, so that should make for a good news story on Monday.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Shoes.
Click above for a story on ESPN.com about a college basketball coach on a mission to give shoes to the shoeless in Africa.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Mark it down, the only time you'll see me endorse a reality show
The Baby Borrowers, premiering Feb. 18 on NBC.
I have a severe aversion to reality television – partially because the term itself is incorrect, but mainly because I hate devoting time to something that ends up making me feel dumber for the experience.
Now, I’m not saying you’re dumb if you like American Idol or Survivor, but look at those shows like this: How “real” are they? Sometimes, I think I could convince a surly Brit, a washed-up Laker Girl and Randy Jackson (who?) that I can sing well enough to warrant a record deal.
As for Survivor, comedian Daniel Tosh has found the best perspective: “We wonder why other countries hate us – we have a game show in our country called Survivor. That's a game in our country. Where you can win a million dollars for surviving in a place where people already live. Do you realize what kind of message that sends? Not a good one. ‘Excuse me, I’ve been here for 60 years. May I have some bread?’ Ha ha ha ha, no! We’re Americans! This is a game! We don’t have our cell phones! This is hard!”
Sorry. That’s an hour a week I can spend sleeping - if my son will allow it.
Which, by the way, is the impetus of my desire to see The Baby Borrowers.
Last night, my son Brody went to sleep at about 10:30 p.m. Awesome for him, considering it’s usually 11:30 or 12 before he finally konks out. My initial reaction: More sleep for me. His initial reaction: Uh-uh. He’s up at 11:30 screaming his head off, awake until a little after 12. Up again at 2 screaming his head off, awake until a little after 3. Not our most harrowing evening, mind you, but rather frustrating when I was expecting an extra hour or two of sleep.
The Baby Borrowers pits a teen pair, both of whom think raising a kid is easier than something they consider to be very easy, against a tiny child. OK, that makes it sound more like a fight. So the teenagers have to basically play parents to the kid for a certain amount of time - if NBC bases that length of time on the British version of the show, it will be four weeks. Kids that won’t sleep, kids spitting up, kids that won’t stop crying, kids with the bathroom routine of a very small child (because there’s nothing nastier than that) – they’ll experience it all, with nannies and the toddlers’ parents nearby in case of emergency.
If you’re dealing with a teenager or young adult who is acting cavalier about the prospect of having and caring for a child, chances are you’ll want to suggest they watch this show.
It’s one of the only times I can remember TV producers coming up with a “reality” concept that might actually make a positive change in a person’s life. Maybe not along the lines of Extreme Home Makeover, one of the best do-good shows I’ve ever seen.
If the Hollywood writer’s strike is going to continue (and rumor is there is light not connected to a train at the end of the tunnel), we’re going to be swamped with more and more “reality” shows. At least it looks like one network might have finally stopped appealing to the lowest common denominator.
I have a severe aversion to reality television – partially because the term itself is incorrect, but mainly because I hate devoting time to something that ends up making me feel dumber for the experience.
Now, I’m not saying you’re dumb if you like American Idol or Survivor, but look at those shows like this: How “real” are they? Sometimes, I think I could convince a surly Brit, a washed-up Laker Girl and Randy Jackson (who?) that I can sing well enough to warrant a record deal.
As for Survivor, comedian Daniel Tosh has found the best perspective: “We wonder why other countries hate us – we have a game show in our country called Survivor. That's a game in our country. Where you can win a million dollars for surviving in a place where people already live. Do you realize what kind of message that sends? Not a good one. ‘Excuse me, I’ve been here for 60 years. May I have some bread?’ Ha ha ha ha, no! We’re Americans! This is a game! We don’t have our cell phones! This is hard!”
Sorry. That’s an hour a week I can spend sleeping - if my son will allow it.
Which, by the way, is the impetus of my desire to see The Baby Borrowers.
Last night, my son Brody went to sleep at about 10:30 p.m. Awesome for him, considering it’s usually 11:30 or 12 before he finally konks out. My initial reaction: More sleep for me. His initial reaction: Uh-uh. He’s up at 11:30 screaming his head off, awake until a little after 12. Up again at 2 screaming his head off, awake until a little after 3. Not our most harrowing evening, mind you, but rather frustrating when I was expecting an extra hour or two of sleep.
The Baby Borrowers pits a teen pair, both of whom think raising a kid is easier than something they consider to be very easy, against a tiny child. OK, that makes it sound more like a fight. So the teenagers have to basically play parents to the kid for a certain amount of time - if NBC bases that length of time on the British version of the show, it will be four weeks. Kids that won’t sleep, kids spitting up, kids that won’t stop crying, kids with the bathroom routine of a very small child (because there’s nothing nastier than that) – they’ll experience it all, with nannies and the toddlers’ parents nearby in case of emergency.
If you’re dealing with a teenager or young adult who is acting cavalier about the prospect of having and caring for a child, chances are you’ll want to suggest they watch this show.
It’s one of the only times I can remember TV producers coming up with a “reality” concept that might actually make a positive change in a person’s life. Maybe not along the lines of Extreme Home Makeover, one of the best do-good shows I’ve ever seen.
If the Hollywood writer’s strike is going to continue (and rumor is there is light not connected to a train at the end of the tunnel), we’re going to be swamped with more and more “reality” shows. At least it looks like one network might have finally stopped appealing to the lowest common denominator.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Britney Lewzader made my blood pressure spike
"Take the deal! Take the deal! Take the deal"
You can't watch Deal or No Deal with me.
Or my wife, for that matter.
Britney Lewzader, congratulations. Emily or I probably would have been the quickest people off of that show if we were getting $200,000-plus offers almost right off the bat. I say that knowing that I'll probably never feel the pressure of having to make decisions like you made on the show, but still, hats off to you.
You can't watch Deal or No Deal with me.
Or my wife, for that matter.
Britney Lewzader, congratulations. Emily or I probably would have been the quickest people off of that show if we were getting $200,000-plus offers almost right off the bat. I say that knowing that I'll probably never feel the pressure of having to make decisions like you made on the show, but still, hats off to you.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Because it's worth it
A wise man once asked, "Why is divorce so expensive? ...Because it's worth it."
I've been turning this over in my mind over the last few days, and I can't help but wonder why it isn't the other way around. Seriously, just think about it for a moment; if marriage licenses were as expensive as the average divorce, we'd probably save ourselves a whole lot of headache. The cost of a marriage license is around $36 dollars, but a lawyer's retainer is something like $1,500. And that's only if it doesn't get messy.
It stands to reason that if people had to invest as much into their right to get married as their right to terminate that marriage, people might just put a little more thought into it.
Granted, you might blow a whole bundle on the ceremony itself, but wouldn't you be a little less likely to jump if you've gotta front an additional $1,500 or so?
Better still, make it expensive enough to draw out in a five year plan. If you can still put up with each other when it's over, you might just be a little better off for it.
Or why not have a waiting period or something along those lines? Like buying a gun. Or trapping an animal (it's basically the same thing anyway).
Personally, I think it couldn't hurt to have the option to renew after three years or so, either, but maybe that's just me.
Might just up the stats of that whole 50/50 chance thing.
...Or maybe you'll think it over and decide that given the options, you'd rather just get a dog.
I've been turning this over in my mind over the last few days, and I can't help but wonder why it isn't the other way around. Seriously, just think about it for a moment; if marriage licenses were as expensive as the average divorce, we'd probably save ourselves a whole lot of headache. The cost of a marriage license is around $36 dollars, but a lawyer's retainer is something like $1,500. And that's only if it doesn't get messy.
It stands to reason that if people had to invest as much into their right to get married as their right to terminate that marriage, people might just put a little more thought into it.
Granted, you might blow a whole bundle on the ceremony itself, but wouldn't you be a little less likely to jump if you've gotta front an additional $1,500 or so?
Better still, make it expensive enough to draw out in a five year plan. If you can still put up with each other when it's over, you might just be a little better off for it.
Or why not have a waiting period or something along those lines? Like buying a gun. Or trapping an animal (it's basically the same thing anyway).
Personally, I think it couldn't hurt to have the option to renew after three years or so, either, but maybe that's just me.
Might just up the stats of that whole 50/50 chance thing.
...Or maybe you'll think it over and decide that given the options, you'd rather just get a dog.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Oh So Serious
When my editor presented this opportunity to begin writing a blog about anything and everything that I wanted, I was a little nervous. I seem to come off a little serious (ok a lot) and I like everything that I write to have a point. I mean what's the point of writing if you don't have some major issue to examine and resolve...right? Well that obviously isn't true. Writing in a blog next to a bunch of comedians is kind of intimidating, I have never written anything even slightly humorous in my entire life. Not all the blogs posted are humorous commentaries fit for the Conan O'Brian show (sorry guys) but nonethless, they seem to take a lighter look at things. But being the sore thumb that I always have been, I doubt that anything that I post will make you leave your office or home whistling a different tune or rolling in your chair. I guess I take the term "serious journalist" a little to serious. Nonetheless, I realize my own faults and I must be true to who I am. I can assure that the next time that I post something it will be an issue that has truly gotten under my skin or a news story that I felt undeniably passionate about. I believe in the philosophy, "when in doubt, just do what you know" and I definitely don't know how to tell a joke.
Wrestling is real!
Click the headline for the rockin'-est high school wrestling move I've ever seen.
Candidate Matchmaker
Rumor has it there’s an election coming up sometime this year. And in an effort to get more people out to the polls, the media has decided to give us, the public, the power by calling this year’s election “You Decide 2008.” (By the way, I learned in an English class years ago that using the subject “you” in the demonstrative form before a verb sets people apart from each other and allows them to perceive themselves as more powerful.)
Anyway, since it’s my second presidential election I’ve been able to vote in, I want to make sure I learn everything I can about as many candidates as I can so that I can make an informed decision. I don’t want to be one of those people who just votes for someone because it would be cool to have a woman or an African-American in the White House, or because that’s who my mom is voting for.
So I found this website put out by Fox (and being that it’s put out by Fox, it still IS pretty objective) called Candidate Matchmaker. They give you a list of 20 questions to answer and then pair you with the platforms and candidates with whom you would most likely agree.
I was a little surprised with number one and number two choices, but my number three was right one and the person at the bottom of the list was right on the money. So take this little quiz - you might be surprised.
Leave me a comment and let me know if who they paired you up with is who you think you agree with, I’m curious to see how objective, possibly subjective this website is.
Have a wonderful Monday!!
Here's the site:
http://wnyw.4wmt.com/cmm/
Anyway, since it’s my second presidential election I’ve been able to vote in, I want to make sure I learn everything I can about as many candidates as I can so that I can make an informed decision. I don’t want to be one of those people who just votes for someone because it would be cool to have a woman or an African-American in the White House, or because that’s who my mom is voting for.
So I found this website put out by Fox (and being that it’s put out by Fox, it still IS pretty objective) called Candidate Matchmaker. They give you a list of 20 questions to answer and then pair you with the platforms and candidates with whom you would most likely agree.
I was a little surprised with number one and number two choices, but my number three was right one and the person at the bottom of the list was right on the money. So take this little quiz - you might be surprised.
Leave me a comment and let me know if who they paired you up with is who you think you agree with, I’m curious to see how objective, possibly subjective this website is.
Have a wonderful Monday!!
Here's the site:
http://wnyw.4wmt.com/cmm/
A book for fans by referees
I have decided to write a book. A short collection of all of the wonderful experiences I have had as a referee.
It will be about all of the wonderful, amusing and plain out ridiculous things I have heard in my time of wearing the stripes and blowing a whistle.
If I didn’t know any better I would say that a referee is truly the sports equivalent of an IRS agent. They are hated and sometimes despised for simply doing their job to their best of their ability.
Because that is all it is. They aren’t out to get you. They aren’t out to help you lose and that aren’t on your side. They are just simply doing their job the way they determine it should be done. Right or wrong, bad or good each ref is different and each game could be called a thousand different ways.
Yet, fans, and by fans I mean parents of 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th graders believe that each ref should be perfect even if their kids aren’t, and that each call should be a good call even if each decision their coach makes is not.
When a ref blows his whistle it is because he believes that a foul or penalty has occurred. When he doesn’t blow his whistle it is because he does not believe any wrong doing has taken place. Does that mean he is always right no, but you weren’t the one standing next to the play and you weren’t the one that had to make a decision on the play.
Now by no means am I a perfect ref. I have had my good days and my bad. Like a player you are either in the zone or you are not. But bottom line it doesn’t make you a bad person.
However, that is exactly what people will think of you. If you ref a heated game and the losing team thought you were just terrible then you will never be seen in public without them thinking of you as a terrible person who couldn’t call a good game if his life depended on it. When in actuality you are just Brian York a happy go lucky, never hurt a fly and never causes trouble, mild mannered human being that refs, because he does in rare cases enjoys it and could use a little extra money on the side.
That’s right I said that sometimes it is enjoyable, but if you are looking for a quick way to make a lifelong or deeply despised enemy then take up refing.
Oh the things you hear, such as “does that whistle work?” or “are you blind?” or my favorite “BLOW YOUR WHISTLE!”
Because everybody knows that when the fans say it it’s true. It has to be, but then again I never see any of them put on the zebra shirt and take to the court.
All in all my point is this. Next time you are at a game, sit back, relax and enjoy yourself. That is the point of going to the game. Not to get so made that your blood pressure is sky high.
And remember that pathetic no good referee. He is a human too.
It will be about all of the wonderful, amusing and plain out ridiculous things I have heard in my time of wearing the stripes and blowing a whistle.
If I didn’t know any better I would say that a referee is truly the sports equivalent of an IRS agent. They are hated and sometimes despised for simply doing their job to their best of their ability.
Because that is all it is. They aren’t out to get you. They aren’t out to help you lose and that aren’t on your side. They are just simply doing their job the way they determine it should be done. Right or wrong, bad or good each ref is different and each game could be called a thousand different ways.
Yet, fans, and by fans I mean parents of 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th graders believe that each ref should be perfect even if their kids aren’t, and that each call should be a good call even if each decision their coach makes is not.
When a ref blows his whistle it is because he believes that a foul or penalty has occurred. When he doesn’t blow his whistle it is because he does not believe any wrong doing has taken place. Does that mean he is always right no, but you weren’t the one standing next to the play and you weren’t the one that had to make a decision on the play.
Now by no means am I a perfect ref. I have had my good days and my bad. Like a player you are either in the zone or you are not. But bottom line it doesn’t make you a bad person.
However, that is exactly what people will think of you. If you ref a heated game and the losing team thought you were just terrible then you will never be seen in public without them thinking of you as a terrible person who couldn’t call a good game if his life depended on it. When in actuality you are just Brian York a happy go lucky, never hurt a fly and never causes trouble, mild mannered human being that refs, because he does in rare cases enjoys it and could use a little extra money on the side.
That’s right I said that sometimes it is enjoyable, but if you are looking for a quick way to make a lifelong or deeply despised enemy then take up refing.
Oh the things you hear, such as “does that whistle work?” or “are you blind?” or my favorite “BLOW YOUR WHISTLE!”
Because everybody knows that when the fans say it it’s true. It has to be, but then again I never see any of them put on the zebra shirt and take to the court.
All in all my point is this. Next time you are at a game, sit back, relax and enjoy yourself. That is the point of going to the game. Not to get so made that your blood pressure is sky high.
And remember that pathetic no good referee. He is a human too.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
If you see Tom Cruise in your neighborhood, run.
Remember when Tom Cruise was fun?
Ah, the good old days.
Word travels fast on the Internet. The nine-minute video of Tom Cruise extolling the virtues of the Church of Scientology is still available on Youtube (as of 8:30 a.m. Thursday, Jan. 17), despite the efforts of the Church to have it removed. If you haven’t seen it yet, proceed with caution. I haven’t seen this much concentrated crazy in quite a while.
Among the highlights, besides nine minutes of the same four bars of music looping over and over and over and over (the song, by the way, is an updated cover of the Mission: Impossible theme):
– Apparently, if you have a wreck, you better hope a Scientologist happens to be in the area. They’re the only ones that can help.
– If you’re a drug addict, an alcoholic, a criminal, find a Scientologist. They are “the authorities on the mind.”
– Tom Cruise wants you to “do it.” What “it” is remains unclear. But he says it enough times that it’s almost the only thing you come away with from a viewing of the rant. Maybe this piece is actually a bit of clever viral marketing by Nike.
Get it? “Just do it.” I’m old.
I do my best not to be judgemental, especially when it comes to someone’s religious beliefs. If I think someone is wrong, I can let them be wrong without feeling the need to get militant about it. I’m a Christian, and I believe Christianity is right. It’s not my place to tell someone they’re wrong if they’re not a Christian. All I can do is explain myself to that person without sounding preachy.
Still, Tom’s slip into insanity impacts more people than just Tom. Remember when Katie Holmes was the cute, mousy little chick on Dawson’s Creek? Look at her now. Suri doesn’t stand a chance.
Ah, the good old days.
Word travels fast on the Internet. The nine-minute video of Tom Cruise extolling the virtues of the Church of Scientology is still available on Youtube (as of 8:30 a.m. Thursday, Jan. 17), despite the efforts of the Church to have it removed. If you haven’t seen it yet, proceed with caution. I haven’t seen this much concentrated crazy in quite a while.
Among the highlights, besides nine minutes of the same four bars of music looping over and over and over and over (the song, by the way, is an updated cover of the Mission: Impossible theme):
– Apparently, if you have a wreck, you better hope a Scientologist happens to be in the area. They’re the only ones that can help.
– If you’re a drug addict, an alcoholic, a criminal, find a Scientologist. They are “the authorities on the mind.”
– Tom Cruise wants you to “do it.” What “it” is remains unclear. But he says it enough times that it’s almost the only thing you come away with from a viewing of the rant. Maybe this piece is actually a bit of clever viral marketing by Nike.
Get it? “Just do it.” I’m old.
I do my best not to be judgemental, especially when it comes to someone’s religious beliefs. If I think someone is wrong, I can let them be wrong without feeling the need to get militant about it. I’m a Christian, and I believe Christianity is right. It’s not my place to tell someone they’re wrong if they’re not a Christian. All I can do is explain myself to that person without sounding preachy.
Still, Tom’s slip into insanity impacts more people than just Tom. Remember when Katie Holmes was the cute, mousy little chick on Dawson’s Creek? Look at her now. Suri doesn’t stand a chance.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Welcome!
Just couldn't get enough of us, could you?
In the print edition of The Trib, our editorial staff brings you the best news, community and sports coverage in Marshall County. It's pretty standard that each issue also includes an opinion piece written by one of us, but since we're all so opinionated, we decided to invade the Internet and stake a claim to a little part of it so we can bring you even MORE opinion. So, thanks to Blogger for making something like this available to everyone.
The posts you'll find here in the future will cover a wide range of topics, so you're bound to find something interesting, thought-provoking, maybe even irritating. If you feel the need to respond to something, don't hold back - just click the "Comment" link and tell us what you think.
Thanks for visiting!
In the print edition of The Trib, our editorial staff brings you the best news, community and sports coverage in Marshall County. It's pretty standard that each issue also includes an opinion piece written by one of us, but since we're all so opinionated, we decided to invade the Internet and stake a claim to a little part of it so we can bring you even MORE opinion. So, thanks to Blogger for making something like this available to everyone.
The posts you'll find here in the future will cover a wide range of topics, so you're bound to find something interesting, thought-provoking, maybe even irritating. If you feel the need to respond to something, don't hold back - just click the "Comment" link and tell us what you think.
Thanks for visiting!
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